Lately, I've been posting some great and Laughing-Out-Loud Qoutes in my Facebook and Twitter accounts...
These are the quotes that keeps me smiling and laughing...
Here they are...
"Boob is a unique word! B = Aerial view of them. oo = Front view of them. b = Side view of them."
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"ARRRGGGHHHHHH that awkward moment when you go into your closet looking for Narnia... and you find the door to Monsters Inc. instead."
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"Hey I would love to SLAP YOU, but that would be animal abuse. :P"
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"If you're talking behind my back you're in a good position to kiss my ass."
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"Unicorns aren't extinct - they just gained weight and are now called rhinos."
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"Why is life a bitch? Because if it was a slut, it would be easy!"
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"If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again."
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"Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat."
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"I am throwing lamps at people that need to lighten up."
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"Whenever you’re bored, send this text to a random number.. “I hid the body.”
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'"I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere."
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"Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose."
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""Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
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"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
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""Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat."
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"''He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame."
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"'You're never too old to learn something stupid."
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""If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
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"Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever."
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"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
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"We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control."
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"Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?"
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"I always wish my pets could talk, but then I remember all the things I have said and done in front of them."
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"Dear Microsoft word, I'm pretty sure I spelt my name correctly."
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"I'll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where's my fucking phone?!" and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"
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"If people knew what i REALLY thought of them, i would get punched alot."
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"You want confessions? Lock a person in a room with a laptop, a Facebook account, and a bottle of booze.. "
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"Don’t play stupid with me – I’m better at it."
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"Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it."
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"Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue..."
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"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."
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"Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children."
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"I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out asses."
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"Sharks aren’t the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too."
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"I tried to send you something sexy, but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox."
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"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute screw the fruit."
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"Dear Homework, you’re not attractive & I’m not doing you."
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"A jealous woman does better research than the FBI."
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"I hate it when some people call me insane or crazy. I prefer the phrase mentally hilarious."
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"Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember."
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"I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop making me angry."
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"I used to jog 5 miles a day. Then I found a short cut."
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"I don’t have haters, I have fans in denial."
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"Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters."
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“Seven out of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids.” Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?"
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"If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before."
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"Know what I'm thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn't it?"
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"If you can't say anything nice...come sit by us."
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"Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave. "
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Till then.....
XOXO~~~
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